You Know, I Really Like Meat

If you're reading this blog*, you're already read the title, so I won't repeat myself. The fact that I enjoy consuming the flesh of my fellow animals doesn't necessarily mean I look with distain upon herbivores. I actually rather like giraffes and capybaras and fruit bats and whatnot.

Vegetarians, however, I form opinions of on a case-by-case basis. Most meat-abstaining-Americans (that's the PC term for them, right?) I know are decent people, humble folks without temptation from bacon. I like most of the vegetarians I know. Seriously. Others, however, are smug, self-important floaters who feel morally superior because they partake in the murder of innocent plants that can't protect themselves and are raised just for the slaughter.

What brings up this seemingly non-sequiturial rant? A particularly entertaining comment on this New York Times article. The article itself is quite enlightening and an example of vegetarians I, an unimportant and rambling denizen of the internet, can stand and may rather like if I were to meet them. The comment, though, is an example of a smug, self-important floater who feels morally superior because he** partakes in the death of different subset of life-forms for his** sustenance than I do.

Courtesy of one Mr.** Guji2:

These so-called carnivores are not really carnivores. They follow a highly restricted omnivore diet. They do not allow and are disgusted by the consumption of animal flesh including, but not limited to, human flesh, dog flesh, monkey flesh, whale flesh, cat flesh, etc. Only certain groups in west Africa and central China are open to these type of animal flesh although they are prohibited from consuming human flesh due to laws. Gorilla and chimpanzee flesh is a delicacy in west Africa and comes closest to the taste of human flesh. 

I am going to bet dollars to vegan donuts that these so-called "carnivores" would react in shock, disgust, and condemnation if faced with the prospect of being served gorilla or chimpanzee flesh, let alone human flesh. 

There is a reason vegans/vegetarians feel morally superior. They do not pick and choose which animal flesh to avoid - they avoid ALL animal flesh. Meanwhile, the omnivores have to justify picking and choosing this animal flesh for consuming but not that animal flesh and the reasoning behind avoiding certain animal flesh while not avoiding other animal flesh leads to extreme cognitive and moral dissonance (i.e. mental/moral compartmentalization) that vegans/vegetarians do not have to suffer.

I know he** doesn't speak for every vegetarian/vegan; I know some (read: one) who just don't (doesn't) like meat. But really? You choose what you eat just so you can feel morally superior to the majority of Americans. Dislike meat? Okay, that works. Feel better eating just veggies and stuff? Makes sense! But just to feel smug? Dude, you're a douche. No offense, but seriously.

Similarly, I don't speak for every meat-eater, but if I could subsist on eating just meat***, I abso-friggin-lutely would!!! The only reason I don't eat (or at least try) "dog flesh, monkey flesh, whale flesh, cat flesh****, etc." is because those kinds of meat are rather hard to come by here. And stupid Greenpeace doesn't like people killing whales. I would totally eat a whale (well, part of it; I'm not that much of a glutton). 

Hell, I'd eat a human. I mean, if s/he died and wanted to be eaten by people, and I was included in the people she wanted eating her. Seriously. I swear I'm not a psychopath. Of course, I'd probably have to settle for gorilla or chimpanzee instead.

Putting aside my somewhat-morbid curiosity about the flavors of various unusual meats, most "highly restricted omnivore[s]" don't care about the morals. We don't "pick and choose which animal flesh to avoid" because the flesh you claim they avoid isn't readily available here; you, Mr.** Guji2, and smug, self-important floaters like you are the only ones who care about the morals of food.


*Someone other than a select handful of Facebook friends reading my silly blog? Ha! That's funny...
**If you somehow find yourself reading this by some odd happenstance, Guji2*, and you happen to be female, I'm sorry for addressing you by the wrong pronoun. Also, how did you find this in the first place? Googling your New York Times comment screen name? Why did I even bother including this note?
***Except arthropod meat. Those things are creepy. Roaches, crabs, lobsters, shrimp, etc. Gross.
****My fiancée and I aspire to eat a cat someday. Seriously. Yeah, we're weird.

Eventually is NOW!

I've been telling my friends, family, rivals, acquaintances, classmates, and coworkers that I would start dabbling in blogging "eventually." Well, eventually turned out to be approximately 02:37 CDT on September 19th of 2012 A.D.

I was having one of times where my brain refused to shut up and let me doze off (possibly a delayed reaction to the coffee I had 9 hours earlier?), and as a result I kept my fiancée up entirely too late rambling about chronophysical conceptualizations of eternity, non-linear visualizations of time, Batman, Sir Paul McCartney, the Foo Fighters, weddings and TVTropes. In the midst of this whirlwind trip through the mind of John Batnand, something preposterous whispered "Start a blog...", and here I am!

About that title, yes, I am a fan of the Foo Fighters. I was listening to "For All The Cows" when I realized that cows would possibly stand around listening and idly chew their cud or something while I embark on ramblings that have no coherent flow of thought for normal people, but make perfect sense to me. As Einstein was once misquoted, "Genius is in making similar the dissimilar." (I'm no genius, by the way; I'm just precocious and prone to jumping around logically within my own little mental world.)

One final note: I doubt that anyone outside of my aforementioned friends, family, rivals, acquaintances, classmates, and coworkers will actually read any of these posts, and I have stronger doubts that I'll actually regularly write here. But hey, it's the thought that counts, right? Roads are paved with good intentions, right? If you, dear reader, happen to stumble across this blog without actually knowing me in person, I sincerely hope that you find some modicum of amusement to justify the time spent here.

Good morning to you all,
John N. Batnand